Keishla Marie Ortiz is a wife and a mother of soon to be 3. She is a business owner and full-time High School teacher. After getting her degree in Psychology, she started her career as a counselor at a mental health facility and grew a passion for teaching and helping others find their purpose.
Currently, I am aspiring to become a Life Coach where I can truly dive into my true purpose, helping others reach their full potential, finding purpose and full contentment. Although, I live a busy life it is my priority to stand still and enjoy every moment in life, all while making growth and self-love part of my daily routine.
This is her journey towards Self-love.
I have always been the overweight kid, the one that gets talked about in family functions. “Wow, she looks like she got even bigger” or statements that sounded something like, “Maybe you shouldn’t eat that”. Or the worst one yet, the infamous Spanish saying “Estas engordando”, in literal translation “You’re getting fat”.
This seemed normal for many of my family members. I grew up in a Hispanic home and many of my aunts, uncles, great uncles, great aunts, grandparents, felt that these statements were acts of love. We all know that these statements do far too much danger than one would like to admit. Although initially these comments at the moment made my stomach drop, and I would want to crawl in a hole and hide, I had someone on my side daily. My mother.
I had no idea that what my mother was instilling in me then would transpire to who I am today. She taught me how to give myself positive daily affirmations. My mother told me how beautiful I was, she spoke life into me each day. On days I let those outside negative voices take over, she would walk me over to a mirror and spoke the truth to me. “Keishla, you are beautiful, you are loved, you are amazing and will grow into a woman that will move mountains”. This was one of her most famous lines.
Throughout high school I had confidence most days, it wasn’t until I got to college is when I started to truly understand what it meant to love myself and my body for what it was. I started to become more aware of the things I loved about myself and my body, and the areas that I felt ashamed about. I started to journal about my insecurities and become aware of the choices I made. During this time, I understood that the energy I give myself and my body was the energy I would exude. I started to make time out for myself, eating better and staying active. My goal: to love my body and to feel better. I started to feel more energized, happier, I felt like I was understanding my purpose more and more.
Around this time, I experience my first miscarriage and became depressed. I began to hate my body for what it did not do, carry a child. It was a very hard time for me, but my mother helped me get through this defeating time in my life. One year later, In the midst of learning once again what it really meant to love me, I lost my mother. The one person who gave me the role model of what self-love looked like. She lived such a happy and loving life. She loved others so much only because she knew that it all started with loving yourself first. This loss took me to a dark place in my life and it fogged my mind for a very long time.
Ironically, one year after her passing I gave birth to my very first child. It was symbolic for me. My body did it! I was learning that I could love my body and myself again. But that did not come very easy because there was “THE MOM BOD”. During this time of my life getting to know my new body, I thought to myself “how could I ever hated any part of my body before this”.
The moral of the story, Self-love is a JOURNEY, not a destination. It is all about the consistent work you put into yourself. As a mother, you become too tired because you are no longer the only person you worry about. It is extremely difficult to make time for yourself. After having my son and daughter it took me a very long time to find myself once again and to get to a comfortable place with myself. But if I can let you in on what has worked for me the last couple of years and help you in your journey to self-love why not?
Keishla's tips to help you on your self-love journey
1. Forgive yourself
Understanding that we are allowed to make mistakes, that we are not perfect beings, will allow you to have space for yourself where you can have patience and understanding for yourself and the actions you have done in the past. Use your mistakes as a learning lesson, use them as fuel to drive you to do better. Failure is the key to success. It's in the failure and in the defeat where you can become more aware and change the things that do not work.
2. Forgive others
By holding in anger, you are only hurting yourself. Forgiveness is solely about the person that is hurting. Holding in anger, grudges or even regret is toxic for our self-wellness. When you let go of these things you are putting yourself first. You will feel relieved to have let it go and that memory or person will no longer have control over you!
3. Surround yourself with goodness
Whether it is people or your actual environment, listen to your body, mind, and soul. If something doesn’t make you feel uplifted, love, cared for, or doesn’t add to your life, change it. Sometimes removing toxic people out of your life is a must. You can love people from a far distance. If you are constantly feeling defeated by all the images of women and these “perfect” bodies on social media, remove them. Surround yourself with things and people that will add value to your life and that will uplift you.
4. Have Boundaries
Set boundaries in your life. It’s okay to not be the yes person all the time. When something makes you feel uncomfortable, say it. What may be fine for others may not be fine for you. Placing boundaries in your life with people or even that thing we carry all day (cell phones for example) will set us up for success. Boundaries mean you’re putting yourself first and that’s is one step closer to loving yourself.
5. Get to know yourself
Start dating yourself, what are your likes? Your dislikes? One practice I began in order to get to know myself is starting a journal. I wrote down the things that brought me joy. I also wrote things down that made me feel uneasy and about things that made me excited for the future. You can also be mindful and analyze how you feel in different situations and really analyze why you react to certain things good or bad.
6. Practice Gratitude
Be grateful for all that you have. Everything you have right now is all you need. Life could be so much worse. There is someone out there wishing they could be in your position. Write down what you’re thankful for each day. Have grace and look at the beauty of life and all the simple joys it comes with. Be grateful that you are able to wake up to a new day each day, that each day is a clean slate for new opportunities, a new day to show love, and that your body has done so much for you so far!
